late night thinking

my mind tends to race when it gets later at night. its almost two and i have been thinking about the past couple of days. It seems like life has been going great. i love my job and my roommates are super sweet. I also have started hanging out with an awesome group of guys. it would seem like everything is going right... just one thing is missing... the one thing that I want more than anything. I want to fall in love. i want that awkward first date that at the end i hope and wait for him to call and ask me out again. I want the butterflies in my stomach when I see him walking towards me or getting nervous when I want to hold his hand. I want the awkward moment right before we kiss for the first time. I want the fights and the make ups. I want movie nights where we cuddle. I want the deep talks and the feeling that i can share anything with this person. I want a new best friend that I can fall in love with more and more each day. I know that one day this will happen for me and I wont even realize it. But it seems so far away. I always start to have a crush on someone and he doesn't like me back or a guy that i just want to be friends with starts to like me and it just never seems to work out for me. I see all my friends getting married and starting new chapters of their lives and i cant help but feel that I am sitting in the same place with nothing to do but wait for whatever comes next. I feel that i cant start my life until i met the person i am going to marry. some would say that thinking like that is wrong but it is what i want. i want the next chapter of my life to be marriage. I don't care about having a successful job all i want is to have a family. i just need to be patient but sometimes its hard and frustrating when what you want most is out of your hands.

xoxo